Useless

I have been using this word a lot lately, too much. Useless.

I am a useless human being.  I am a useless Christian.  I am useless at prayer.  I am useless.

It’s not a helpful word. Maybe I think I’m being humble, recognising my shortcomings, acknowledging my sins. But it’s not helpful and I’m not sure it’s true. Am I perfect? Absolutely not! Are there things I’m not good at? Absolutely! Is it my fault that I fail at things? Sometimes, for sure. But, useless…

As I drove back from my childhood home to my current residence, I listened to an audio book by John Eldridge “Walking with God”.  In his book, a series of reflective stories from a year of intentional walking with God, he posed a question to himself and God.  “God, how am I going? How do I think I am going?”

As I drove along thinking about this question for myself, guess what word came up again? Yep, useless.

I know that it wasn’t an answer from God (because I was filled with such an overwhelming sense of disheartenment and God tells us that “we will know them by their fruits”.  God does not cause disheartenment, he instils hope!) therefore it must be my thinking.  Ouch, I honestly think that I am useless?

Sometimes we get into a habit of using unhelpful words, be it cursing, using the Lords name in vain, descriptive words, or even non words such as grunts or sighs.  But the words we use both aloud and internally, have a huge impact on us.  As I tell myself that I am useless, I take away my ability to improve, to change, to get any better.  The more I tell myself the less likely I am to make any progress.

No doubt there is also an element of spiritual attack in all this.  The devil does love to jump in on our weaknesses. But I have the best fighter on my side, one who has already won this battle.  I don’t need to listen to that voice that tells me I am useless.

Jesus tells me I am loved.  He sent me His Spirit to dwell within me.  He is by my side always.  How can I be useless if I have the Spirit God inside me? It’s not possible.

As I said, I am not perfect, I have a long way to go before I am truly Christ-like, but I have the Spirit helping me.  I am not useless.  I am able to grow and change with God’s help.

With much love…