'Home' again

After 10 days at home with my parents I am back in my Adelaide ‘home’.  It really feels less like home every time I come back from the country.

Like so often, after I return from visiting my folks, I am in a funk.  Those who know me well will know that I have over the past 10 years battled on and off with depression and while I am, right now, close to the healthiest, mentally, that I have been in 10 years, I still find that the hardest times are when I have to leave my family. {I live 6 hrs away from my parents and now that I am working every day I find I can only get across to visit during the school holidays.}

It reminds me that I am just not ready or strong enough.

For what...?

For living out of home, for being on my own, for being an adult, for losing either of my parents, for being off medication, for being married {LORD help the poor man who has to deal with me in this state}, for being on my own.

Then I remember I don’t have to be strong. On my BEST day I will NEVER be strong enough.  But that is ok because I have a loving God who is with me when I am feeling good and when I fall apart.

When I have good days I remember that Jesus is walking with me.  He promised he would never leave me and I believe that promise. If he is walking with me on my good days I know that on my bad days he will most certainly never leave me.

He is my rock; he is my tower, my fortress, my refuge.  He is the strength that I do not have.  He carries me through the darkness and into the light.

Psalm 46

¹ God is our refuge and strength,
    an ever-present help in trouble.
² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
³ though its waters roar and foam
    and the mountains quake with their surging.^[c]

⁴ There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
    the holy place where the Most High dwells.
⁵ God is within her, she will not fall;
    God will help her at break of day.
⁶ Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
    he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

⁷ The Lord Almighty is with us;
    the God of Jacob is our fortress.

⁸ Come and see what the Lord has done,
    the desolations he has brought on the earth.
⁹ He makes wars cease
    to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
    he burns the shields^[d] with fire.
¹⁰ He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”

¹¹ The Lord Almighty is with us;
    the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Father, may I always remember this and praise you. Amen

with much love,

Thankful Thursday

Thankful Thursday

Today my good friend over at The Secret Life of Samara is beginning her Thankful Thursday link up.  I am thrilled to be able to have the opportunity to share God’s blessings with her and with you.  I have been following Samara for most of her blogging life and I love reading her Thankful blogs, I myself am new to blogging and still working out how to be more regular.  I am hoping that this link-up will be one of those. (Please feel free to hold me accountable to this and keep a lookout for my upcoming post where I ask you to join in keeping me accountable on a regular basis).

So here goes this week I am thankful for:

My mother

This week I am back visiting my mum (and my dad and my brother).  I am so thankful for the wonderful relationship I have with my family.  I hear so often of people who are estranged from their parents or who don’t talk often and even those who still live with their folks, but who resent them.  I am thankful that not only is my relationship with my mum and dad close, but they actually still look forward to seeing me.  Before I came home my mum rang me to ask if I had been to a restaurant in town because she and my father had been talking about taking me there.  I was such a little gesture but knowing that my mum and dad were looking forward to having me home as much as I was looking forward to going home was wonderful. 

The Holy Spirit

I am not very good at prayer.  I was not raised in the church and didn’t have the scaffolding of prayer that many Christians my age have had.  It is one thing that I struggle with and am actively working through.  The Spirit has been integral in the way my prayer life has progressed.  A few weeks ago I stood in front of my congregation and prayed a prayer I never thought I would be able to pray.  It was easily the most eloquent prayer I have ever spoken (unfortunately is not a huge award) and it came so easily.  I knew the second I moved away from the mike that not one of those words had come from me.  In fact I barely remember what I said, it was as though I was listening to someone else speak.  The Holy Spirit is amazing and does amazing things and I am so thankful that He is helping me to grow in relationship with Him.

Blogs

I have been so inspired, encouraged and challenged by all of the blogs that I follow.   I follow a variety of blogs related to children, my occupation, crafting and DIY, sewing, and Christianity.  Each week there is something that makes me stop and reflect on my own life and practice.  God works in such wonderful ways to grow us and I am blessed that I ‘know’ so many wonderful women who share their faith and skills and help me to further develop maturity in Christ.

Why not link up with us this week and think about what you have been blessed with.  Or just place a comment at the end of my or Samara’s blog posts.

With much love

Because He Loves Me {Chapter 8}

"We have been created to worship"

"Unbelief is the sin at the root of all sin"

This week I have been thinking a lot about the sins that I commit and the fact is that Elyse is right.  I was created to worship and I look all the time for something to worship.  When it's not God that I am turning to, when I do not believe that He is the answer to all my problems, that He is the one who can bring me happiness, that is when I begin to sin.

Elyse begins this chapter by reminding us that we can be confident as we move towards change and becoming more like Jesus.  We can fight off the sin that still bombards us because we have a living God who dwells in us by his Spirit.  Without Christ's resurrection and the Spirit within us we would not have the power to overcome sin.

Praise God for the resurrection.

Elyse talks about her own sin as if she were talking about mine.  It all rang so true.  Her explanation is simple and has helped me to redirect my thoughts on many an occasion since reading it.

We have been created to worship......If we neglect to direct that desire to worship towards God, idols will come rushing in to fill His place..... We will find something to worship.....God is the only thing that can sate our desire to worship.....Since no idol will be truly satisfying we will be constantly searching for more and in constant fear of losing them or pleasing them.

Praise God for fulfilling our desires.

We worship these idols because we thing that if we obtained them we would finally be happy. BUT the kind of happiness we long for isn't here on earth.  We were created for Him and only when we are united with him will we be free from our discontent and restlessness.

Praise God for being our ultimate happiness.

This week I have been thinking a lot about my singleness.  I am getting older and the fact that it looks like I won't be settling down with a family anytime soon becomes a little harder every day.  Yet Elyse has helped me to look at this issue in many lights.  

Do I think that marriage and children will give me constant and ultimate happiness?

Am I worshipping romance in the same way that secular societies do?

Am I undervaluing or disbelieving that God's plans and timing are the best?

Do I really think that God would plan something for me if it weren't the best for my and His glory?

Why do I place this idol of romance in my life?

I haven't stopped wanting this idea of marriage and children however I have certainly stopped to think about why I want it and perhaps why God may have chosen that this is not my path at the moment.

Overcoming sin is never easy but focusing of Christ helps.  And as Elyse wrote:

"When we think on him, rejoice in him, and praise His glorious name, then, and only then will, we find the happiness we are seeking." (p.140)

Praise God for changing our hearts and minds to be more like Christ.