Chewing the body of Christ

Chewing the body of Christ.

I didn’t grow up in the church. I was baptised as an infant but my family never attended.  Because of this, much of my understanding of church practices has been acquired over time, through observation, reading or questions.  This includes the Lord’s Supper or Communion.

I understand what is going on, I understood what the bread and wine symbolise but there are some small intricacies that, because I was taught about it as a child, I have had to ‘make up’ or learn along the way.

In the past year, I have discovered on the little quirks, I picked up.  And more than a quirk, I realised it has become a potentially dangerous unbelief.

I feel uncomfortable chewing the bread.

Sounds innocent enough right?  I let the bread melt or dissolve in my mouth and move on to the ‘wine’ or grape juice.  It gives more time for reflection right? It’s probably more holy not to chew Jesus symbolic body.  Except that’s the point.

You see, I feel uncomfortable because I don’t like to admit that my actions have caused the brokenness of Christ. I want to be passive in whole of Jesus sacrifice on the cross. So I don’t chew, I don’t add any more salt to the wounds.

But I am responsible. Jesus death didn’t happen 2000 years ago for other people and I just jumped on the bandwagon later. It happened for my sins now, the mistakes I make on a daily basis.  I can’t lessen the pain that I have already caused him.  I can’t pretend that I didn’t drive one of those nails into his hands.

It’s just symbolic body, but it’s also a symbolic act of wanting to be passive in something I can never be passive in.

It was a shock when God revealed it to me, I wanted to pretend it wasn’t true.  The next time I took communion, I was very deliberate to chew the bread. 

AND I FELT SO GUILTY.

Yep definitely trying to avoid being responsible. Now I take in that feeling of guilt and use it, because I am guilty.  I need to remember that Jesus died because of me.

Because of me.

What a blessing! The significance is so much more when I feel that guilt and responsibility.  I am not going through the motions remembering a past event.  I am praising him, thanking him, begging for forgiveness. Loving him for the way He loved me.

Amazing man.

Amazing God.

Thank you Jesus.  I am so sorry for the sins I commit, for the lessons I don’t learn and the pride I hold when I think I am doing ‘well enough’.  You died for me.  You died because of me.  You died in place of me.  I can never thank you enough. I can never show my love for you enough.

With much love…